Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Forgiveness ~ my best weapon

Life behind the facebook curtain of smiling photos and happy emojis is cluttered with less appealing emotions, thoughts and words.  Should all that emotional laundry be aired on line? No, not really the place for it. But on this particular day a friend who voluntarily walked away came back onto the stage of my life smiling and laughing as if there had been no hiatus. I returned her smile, I was genuinely glad to see her.  Afterwards, uninvited, the memories flooded my mind with pictures, words and negative emotions. They filed through my mind like spoiled children demanding attention. I shooed them away, redirected my thoughts, but like floaters in a pool they kept popping to the surface uninvited. I had several animated conversations with my face in the mirror justifying why I felt the way I did yet not wanting to be that person. So I went to talk to my pastor who was having coffee on the other side of the bed, yes, I'm his wife. "I need to talk to my pastor about this conversation that is running through my head, on repeat." He gave good counsel, forgive in the same way you have been forgiven. Let it go. Forgive and move on. There will be no righting of wrongs that will satisfy the enemies thirst for division, pain and offense. So as I drove to work I said the words I have lead so many others to say. "Father because you have forgiven me I choose to forgive...Forgive me for believing the lies the enemy whispers in my ear...I forgive...I release them from my judgement and I ask you to bless them." Knowing these words were true and not wanting to have this conversation again, I asked Him to seal this moment in my heart. I turned on the radio, thinking I was done. Matthew West was singing...  
"It's the hardest thing to give away
And the last thing on your mind today
It always goes to those who don't deserve
It's the opposite of how you feel
When they pain they caused is just too real
Takes everything you have to say the word
Forgiveness, forgiveness

It flies in the face of all your pride
It moves away the mad inside
It's always anger's own worst enemy
Even when the jury and the judge
Say you've got a right to hold a grudge
It's the whisper in your ear saying set it free
Forgiveness, forgiveness
Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness, forgiveness
It'll clear the bitterness away
It can even set a prisoner free
There is no end to what its power can do
So let it go and be amazed by what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees is you
Forgiveness, forgiveness
I want to finally set it free
Show me how to see what your mercy sees
Help me now to give what You gave to me
Forgiveness, forgiveness