What is in your hand?

I am not a huge fan of magic. I'm usually intent on figuring out the trickery behind the trick.  But I love the miraculous, when God does something only He can explain. God gave Moses what seemed like an impossible task. "Go see the powerful man that has been trying to kill you and tell him to release the majority if his workforce, tell him to let My people go." Moses was the perfect mixture of Israelite / Egyptian to deliver the message but his response is so familiar. "Suppose they will not believe me or listen to me...” Doubt, doubt, doubt. I doubt it, I doubt myself, I doubt You, God. So the Lord said to him, “What is that in your hand?”  He said, “A rod.”   And He said, “Throw it on the ground.” So he threw it on the ground, and it became a snake; and Moses ran from it. Then the Lord said to Moses, “Reach out your hand and take it by the tail” (and he reached out his hand and caught it, and it became a rod in his hand), “that they may believe that the Lord God of their fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, has appeared to you.” The all knowing One asks a simple question. “What is that in your hand?" Seems kind of obvious, "A stick."
Talking to God is often like that, He seems to beat around the bush,  not the burning one. He is all knowing but he often answers a question with a question, usually a question with an obvious answer. Like whose face is on Caesar's coin? Hey  Peter, do you love me?  Cain, where is your brother? Moses, what's that in your hand?  "Moses, what is that in your hand?" God was showing Moses that He had everything he needed to obey God right in his hand. After all, he was given the rod by God. So according to 2 Peter 1:3, "His divine power has given to us everything for life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us..." We are equipped by Him with everything we need to live and be godly. 
That said, when God shows you what He can do through you it is often scary. When Moses saw the rod turn into a snake he ran from his own rod in fear. How many of us retreat from what God says He wants to do through us. "No God, I can't possibly..." You're right, you can't, but God can. The first thing we have to do is grab it. Watch how God tells Moses to deal with his fear.  "Reach out and grab it by the tail. Fear is dangerous. Grab it. Living in Texas I have a whole new respect for snakes. Snake safety 101 is never catch a snake by the tail. The pure obedience of Moses reaching out and catching the snake by the tail is a picture of faith. The faith that if I do exactly what God tells me, He will do the rest. Perhaps this is why God could do so much through Moses. He heard God clearly. He trusted God. He obeyed.
What do you have in your hand? An instrument? Then play. A voice? Then speak. A pen? Then write. Creativity? Then create. Children? Then parent.  A job? Then do it.  What do you have in your hand? Grab it by the tail and do what God has told you to do.  

What are you sinking about?

What are you sinking about?  Peter was in the boat watching His hero walking on the water. He saw what Jesus was doing and he wanted to do it too, so he said, “Lord, I want to come out there too! Tell me to come to You on the water.” So Jesus said, “Come.”  It was in Peter’s DNA to want to do what Jesus was doing.  What child doesn’t imitate his father, copy him, mimic his walk, his words and his attitude? Listen to what Jesus said in John 5, “I do whatever I see my Father doing." Well at that precise moment, Jesus was walking on water, so Peter thought he would as well.  He thought I want to do what Jesus is doing, to step out of the boat and follow Jesus on the water. Where are your thoughts taking you? Let's follow Peter out on the water with his buoyant thoughts. "This is awesome! I can do this! I can be like Jesus." Then, he started looking around him. "This isn't possible. This is unnatural. Science defies this. I shouldn't be here!" His sinking thinking almost drowned him.
I'm not saying you can wish for whatever you want and it will be, but if Jesus has given you an invitation to step out, to walk on the impossible with Him you have permission to dream, to do what seems impossible. Just keep thinking what He is thinking and you will stay afloat. He told His followers, "See these things I am doing? You will be doing greater things than these." The key? Thinking like Jesus and believing like Jesus. If Jesus, the Son of God, took His directions from the Father, how much more should we humans? Jesus said, “I say to you, the Son can do nothing of Himself but what He sees the Father do; for whatever He does, the Son also does in the same manner." When we think like Him we can do what He does, just watch out for sinking thinking! When Peter saw the wind he was afraid and began to sink...he cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”  Stop with the sinking thinking already! Don't doubt, just believe.

Get up and walk

When we fail or fall, getting up is hard. Looking in the mirror, harder. We knew we could do better, we were not expecting THAT from ourselves. Sometimes we beat ourselves up thinking that will help us get over it, get past the moment.  We can believe that God forgives us, perhaps others forgive us, but we can't forgive ourselves. We believe that somehow when we have done enough penance we will be able to feel forgiven. There is something so wrong with that thinking. First, we don't understand Grace. His grace is enough! We can't add to it, can't pay for it, can't earn it. Second, who do we think we are that we can forgive sins? If the God of the universe gave His Only Son to die so we could be forgiven, what more do we need? He can forgive us but we can't forgive ourselves? How prideful. It means we believe that our offense against ourselves is bigger than our offense against God? "Jesus paid it all, ALL! All to Him I owe. Sin had left an awful stain. He washed it white as snow." Thinking we can forgive ourselves is a pride sin. We don't have the power to forgive, only God does. All we can do is receive his Grace. That's what we balk at. We want to do something, pay for it, earn it. He says "no", just receive. It doesn't seem like enough. We can no more forgive ourselves than we can heal ourselves. The paralytic was carried in by four friends because he could not bring himself. (Mark 2) And there at Jesus' feet he was forgiven. The question was raised, "Who can forgive sins but God?" And the Son of God said, "I can and I do." "Your sins are forgiven, get up, you are whole." If God has forgiven us, who are we to argue that there is still sin we have to forgive ourselves for? That is rebellion and pride. We can do nothing to save ourselves but repent, receive His grace and get off the mat and walk. Who has power to forgive sins but God? Done, your sins are forgiven, get up and walk.

Faith Upstages Science

On August the 2^nd, I woke up from a dream that disturbed me. Firstly, I seldom remember dreams and when I do they are vivid.  This particular Sunday morning I immediately told my husband. In the dream I had waking my husband, the pastor   and telling him, “Lori is dead, Lori is dead! We have to go!” He said, “No she is not and rolled over, back to sleep.” The dream continued and in it I woke again, shaking my husband “Lori’s dead! Lori’s dead!” and again he said “No, she is not.”

After church we went to lunch with Lori and her husband as previously planned. We talked about things, nothing earth shattering but just before we left Lori started sharing her heart. She revealed some heart issues and wounds that were painful. We talked a while and I encouraged her to come to House of Prayer at the church that night so we could pray together.

House of prayer was half over when Lori and Greg came through the door. They sat for a while praying. Remembering what I had said to her, I asked another lady to come with me and we sat down with Lori to pray. Although she had prayed with me before and received Christ and given Him her life she expressed areas of uncertainty of God’s love. When she closed her eyes to pray it was just darkness. We led her in praying through some lies that she believed about God, asking forgivingness for believing the lies and replaced them with prayers of truth. Over the next 20 minutes she went from the place of seeing only darkness to seeing Jesus standing right in front of her. I asked her if she wanted to go to Him and she said “Yes!” Then with her eyes still closed and a smile on her face she whispered, “He is holding me.”  I remembered the dream and thought to myself, there were places in her heart that were dead but now they are alive!  So that is what my dream meant.

2 weeks later, Aug 16^th, Lori and Greg did not come to church. Looking back I remember the worship, “Healing is here, healing is here and I believe it, healing is here and I receive it. I lift my hands to the heavens, I lift my eyes to where my help comes from, I look to You my Rock my Healer, I trust in You.” My husband preached on Identity and how knowing who we are in Christ makes us act like Him. He quoted Jesus saying, “Greater things than these will you do…” and he smilingly asked, “Who of us has raised anyone from the dead this past week?”  It was a good service and afterwards we were visiting with the last few people still in the church when someone burst through the door, “they are doing CPR at Greg and Lori’s house. It’s not Greg!” We dropped everything, raced to our cars and drove the 2 minutes to their house, praying life and healing the entire way. There were 2 ambulances and several sheriff vehicles parked in the drive and on the lawn. Lori was lying on the ground lifeless and CPR was in progress.

Being a nurse I stepped close to her and placed my hand on the side of her neck, not to find a pulse but to pray for her, to declare life, to ask the breath of the Holy Spirit to breathe into her. Shortly after that they loaded her in the ambulance. We took Greg and drove to the hospital. They led us into a room but we could see a lot of activity. Although I work there I was not in uniform that day, but I was free to enter the room during the code blue, as I had many times before. This time was different, as I looked at the equipment and IVs and science in the room I said to myself, “Faith, FAITH, keep the faith.” I have experienced this struggle many times as I pray for the sick, faith vs science. I know the science, have a degree in it, yet I know my Jesus, I have a relationship with Him. So I prayed in and for faith, while seeing the monitors beeping out numbers and the professionals calling out vital information to each other.

During this time Lori’s heartbeat was erratic and fluctuated up and down sometimes disappearing. “Stand clear!” back to CPR. I choose not to get involved in the treatment but keep my hand on her much of the time, praying openly in front of my coworkers. I am relieved to see a fellow nurse of faith in the room. Every negative declaration made in the room brought our eyes together in agreement to say “Just believe,” building up our faith together.  The seasoned doctor looks at me and said, “I think we will have to stop, she’s gone.” The work stopped and the time on the clock was called out. The doctor sat down with Greg and the family, saying things that are all forgotten except for the words, “She is gone.” Those dead words hung in the air like a dark blanket and we surrounded Greg with our prayers and arms.

After a while, I left to help get Lori’s body ready so the family could come in. As I walk in I saw that the blanket was pulled back, the nurses and the doctor are standing silently around the bed, there was no movement, no heart beat on the monitor, no pulse, but then to our surprise there was a twitch, a sigh, once, again, not rhythmically, not normal. The science in the room started trying to explain it and the doctor shook his head and said, “This is impossible, there is no way she can still be alive.” Then, “Start the code again! I’ve never seen this in all my years.” The monitor started to beep, rhythmically this time. Someone reported her blood gas numbers, “You know what that means? That is incompatible with life. She should not be here.” BUT she was, a smile crosses my face, “Believe.”  

The doctor’s words to the family were cautious, he did not raise hope, “She won’t …. Too long…. Decisions you’ll have to make…..never seen anything like this.” But he offered to transfer her to a major center or she could stay in the local ICU and see how she does. The doctor got called out of the room and we all looked at each other in amazement and shock at what had just happened.  The decision was made to stay local and keep her nearby. I was reminded that science didn’t bring her back; God did, so God will have to do the rest.

The family was brought in. Lori was now on a breathing machine, the monitor rhythmically beeping at a normal rate and the blood pressure on the machine was that of a healthy adult! Family was praying, Greg was speaking in his wife’s ear. Nurses were quietly doing their thing. Arrangements were made for admission to ICU but there would be a bit of a wait. For about 45 minutes there was life without CPR. Life had out maneuvered death. Faith had upstaged science. We were sad and celebrating at the same time. 

Then, very quickly her heart stopped and it was over. She was gone. Gone from us but very much alive! Out of our sight but when I closed my eyes I could see her smile and hear her whisper, “He is holding me.”  I remembered the dream. “Lori is dead.” and the response, “No she is not!”

"Now we see in a mirror, dimly, 

but then face to face." 

1 Cor 13:12 

Forgiveness ~ my best weapon

Life behind the facebook curtain of smiling photos and happy emojis is cluttered with less appealing emotions, thoughts and words.  Should all that emotional laundry be aired on line? No, not really the place for it. But on this particular day a friend who voluntarily walked away came back onto the stage of my life smiling and laughing as if there had been no hiatus. I returned her smile, I was genuinely glad to see her.  Afterwards, uninvited, the memories flooded my mind with pictures, words and negative emotions. They filed through my mind like spoiled children demanding attention. I shooed them away, redirected my thoughts, but like floaters in a pool they kept popping to the surface uninvited. I had several animated conversations with my face in the mirror justifying why I felt the way I did yet not wanting to be that person. So I went to talk to my pastor who was having coffee on the other side of the bed, yes, I'm his wife. "I need to talk to my pastor about this conversation that is running through my head, on repeat." He gave good counsel, forgive in the same way you have been forgiven. Let it go. Forgive and move on. There will be no righting of wrongs that will satisfy the enemies thirst for division, pain and offense. So as I drove to work I said the words I have lead so many others to say. "Father because you have forgiven me I choose to forgive...Forgive me for believing the lies the enemy whispers in my ear...I forgive...I release them from my judgement and I ask you to bless them." Knowing these words were true and not wanting to have this conversation again, I asked Him to seal this moment in my heart. I turned on the radio, thinking I was done. Matthew West was singing...  

   

"It's the hardest thing to give away

And the last thing on your mind today
It always goes to those who don't deserve
It's the opposite of how you feel
When they pain they caused is just too real
Takes everything you have to say the word

Forgiveness, forgiveness

It flies in the face of all your pride
It moves away the mad inside
It's always anger's own worst enemy
Even when the jury and the judge
Say you've got a right to hold a grudge
It's the whisper in your ear saying set it free

Forgiveness, forgiveness

Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness, forgiveness

It'll clear the bitterness away
It can even set a prisoner free
There is no end to what its power can do
So let it go and be amazed by what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees is you

Forgiveness, forgiveness

I want to finally set it free
Show me how to see what your mercy sees
Help me now to give what You gave to me
Forgiveness, forgiveness

Forgiveness by Matthew West

The musings of a childless Mother

Mother’s day is so inadequate. Flowers and cards are not really proportionate to the sacrifice, the love, the selflessness that is required for motherhood. Children don’t know the moments of joy they bring their mother with a thoughtful word or kind deed. They don’t understand the concerns, the sleepless nights, or tears. If they only knew that the best gift they could give was just to do life well, be safe, be happy, be fulfilled, be kind and strong, love God and others. God has shown me that the mother’s heart comes from Him, it was His idea and He is the source of what lives in a mother’s heart. Everything that is woman, that is mother, originates in HIM. “In the image of God He created them, male and female He created them.” He breathed His life into woman equipping her with all she would need to be a woman, to be a mother. These words that could come from any mom, mother, mommy, come straight from the Father. Whether you are a mom, grandmother or child, you will hear God’s mother-heart in these words. Listen to God’s heart spoken from the lips of mothers all over the world.
Child, I desire obedience rather than sacrifice, not because I want to control but I love you and know you and I know the outcome. I feel responsible for who you are. I love you.
Be strong child, see yourself the way I see you, totally lovely, strong, and perfect. Be strong, stand firm, be confident, be happy with you are. Don’t compare yourself to others; it will steal your confidence and joy.
Child you lack nothing, I have given you everything you need. I am your provider, be thankful, be content. Be wholehearted. Give everything you are to all that you do. Treat yourself and others kindly, gently.
I remember your first days. I loved seeing you run around naked and unashamed before you knew what sin was. Then, when you needed clothes, I clothed you, physically and in my robe of righteousness.
I want you to know, deep in your heart that you are loved, yes YOU! I desire that you be solidly rooted in MY LOVE. That is where your power comes from, My love. I want you to understand how wide, how deep, how long and how high is my love for you.
I am your parent, I love giving to you and seeing your joy complete. Don’t be hesitant to ask for the things I long to give you. Ask for anything I have and it is yours. If I don’t have it, you don’t need it. I already gave you my best gift, my Son, my only Son. If I gave Him up for you what do you think I will hold back from you? I gave you my Spirit, in Him you have all the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control you will ever need.

I Choose Grace

Offence builds a Fence – Forgiveness builds Faith

Offence! How easy it is to be offended. Real or imagined we see the splinter in our sister/brother’s eye and want to ‘help’ by pointing it out and in that way remove it but Jesus says in Luke 6:37-45
"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."
Judging another requires pointing out his/her faults – ‘you’ve got something in your eye, here let me get it out for you.’ How can you help when you can’t see yourself. I am a nurse and I know how hard it can be to get a little speck out of someone’s eye, even more so now that my eyes are changing. I wear glasses because I have been nearsighted since I was a child. But for years I have worn contacts for that and for the last year I have been using reading glasses. If I don’t have my contacts in I have to take my regular glasses off and hold the page close to read and if I am wearing my contacts I need my reading glasses to see detail or I have to stretch my arms out as far as they will go. SO come over here and let me take that little speck out of your eye for you. That is what I’m talking about. Don’t judge (pronounce judgment on) and don’t condemn (pronounce guilt/judgment on.) We are too blind to our own faults to see that we are just as guilty. We are just as condemned. Look at the next verse, you can use my glasses if you want.

Read on from verse 39. He also told them this parable: "Can a blind man lead a blind man? Will they not both fall into a pit? (skip verse 40 for now) 41 "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 42 How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.
43 "No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. 44 Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thornbushes, or grapes from briers. 45 The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.

The fruit does not fall far from the tree. The apple tree is full of apples. The mango tree is full of mangoes and the tree that drops judgment on the person sitting under it must be full of judgment. Now let’s look back at verse 40 “The student is just like his teacher.” The student is a product of the teacher just like the fruit is a product of the tree. So what does your fruit look like? What product falls from your lips? Out of the fountain of thoughts and feelings your words spill out. So what kind of words are they? They reveal your teacher. We say we are children of God and Christ followers, then our words should reveal that our hearts are like His, not judging, not condemning, but forgiving and full of love. The tree of forgiveness produces the fruit of forgiveness.
But alas we are not Jesus – we get offended, and we learn from that offense. The offence or hurt teaches us that people are unkind, not trustworthy, even cruel so we must protect ourselves and guard against being hurt again.

Let’s look at Luke again. A few chapters further on Luke 17:1-10
17:1 Jesus said to his disciples: "Things that cause people to sin are bound to come, but woe to that person through whom they come. 2 It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin. 3 So watch yourselves.

He says opportunity to be offended will come, you can count on it. People will say hurtful things, do mean things, even in the church (that hurts, they are suppose to be our brothers and sisters) and sometimes in our families (Ouch – they are suppose to love us) and in our marriages (Even though we promised to love, honor and cherish each other above all others.) So what do we do with these hurts? These offenses? We feel we are rightfully hurt, rightfully angry, rightfully offended, according to our judgment we can rightfully say we have been wronged. "If your brother (sister, father, mother, child, husband, wife) sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. 4 If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, 'I repent,' forgive him."

If judgment falls from the tree of judgment, forgiveness must fall from the tree of forgiveness. If we understood how often, how deeply, how painfully we have sinned against our brother, Jesus, we would not be so self righteous. But our offense is justified, look what they did to me! So is our sin against Him, we put Him on that tree. He forgave us, He shows us how to forgive, He gives us the power to forgive. How? Through faith. Trusting Him with our hurts, disappointments, anger, and fear of being vulnerable again. Trusting Him with the consequences we want to make sure others receive for their part in it. Trusting Him with revenge.
See Rom 12:19-21
19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. 20 On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.)
Trust Him to take care of it and leave it alone. How? Through faith. Is this hard? Ask the disciples. Look at the next verse in Luke 17:5 The apostles said to the Lord, "Increase our faith!" (Increase our faith Father! I need more faith to trust you with this. How can I let go of the pain, the offense, the memory, the control, how can I be vulnerable again? I need more faith Father!)

6 He replied, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it will obey you.
This verse is often used to encourage people to believe for great things, impossible financial problems, physical challenges to big for us to handle but this verse is right here smack dab in the middle of instructions on how to forgive! So how does it all tie together? It takes faith to forgive. Believe in Me, trust Me, and I will uproot those thoughts, that self-righteousness, those hurt feelings, that offense, that grudge, those memories. Jesus says, “If you have faith in Me, you can say to that root of bitterness and unforgiveness, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it will obey you.” Forgiveness takes faith. Forgiveness is hard work. But ‘without faith it is impossible to please God.” (Heb 11:6) Have faith that God will do His part and remove the offense, the pain, if we will just speak! “Say to that root of bitterness and unforgiveness, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea.’ And say it like you mean it! We can talk for hours about how someone hurt us, offended us, but we pull back from saying “I forgive you,” or from telling ourselves, “Bitterness I tell you to go, unforgiveness you have no place in my life, in my heart or my words, so be gone! I forgive ________. The name that popped into your head right now is a good clue where to start. Don’t be defensive when you are hurt. Take the offensive with offense, go after it! Dig it up and throw it in the sea.
Guarding an offence builds a fence – choosing to forgive builds faith! He has forgiven me therefore I choose to forgive. The following song, sung by Damaris Carbaugh, rings true for every forgiven heart.

I CHOOSE GRACE

Careless words cut so deep
A friend I trusted, wounded me
For a while, I held it in
I didn’t see the bitterness and sin
I lost hope, I lost sleep
I lost the peace of Christ in me
Oh the hurt, over time
Became a prisoner of my own design
The Holy Spirit made it clear I needed to let go.
And let forgiveness flow

So, I choose Grace, I choose Grace.
I won’t hold on to anger,
To judge is not my place
I choose Grace, I choose Grace.
When I look into my Savior’s face
I choose Grace

Well maybe you’ve done the same
Cradled pride and nursed the blame
Now you’ve see what it cost
All the loneliness the life you’ve lost
If you’ve reached the point where you can’t take another day
He can take the pain away.

Say, ‘I choose Grace, I choose Grace.
I won’t hold on to anger,
To judge is not my place
I choose Grace, I choose Grace.
When I look into my Savior’s face
I choose Grace’

Righting wrong relationships
Two hearts are in accord
Reconciled and restored

For, I choose Grace, I choose Grace.
I won’t hold on to anger,
To judge is not my place
I choose Grace, I choose Grace.
When I look into my Savior’s face
I choose Grace

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7DMXBzVH74